“So_Close_Yet_So_Far", Jan/Feb 2021 Issue

“So_Close_Yet_So_Far.psd” is the Jan/Feb 2021 cover of onScene Magazine. It shows the hand of a Black Trans individual desperately reaching for a nearby vial of Depo Testosterone, but being held back by thin, yet persistent, and strong strands originating from places unseen by the public. 

This work is a visual discussion on the numerous adversaries I and many other Trans Folks face in regards to gaining access and funds for Hormone Replacement Therapies (HRT) as a way of gender affirmation. Additionally, this is a visual representation of how I felt during my journey towards finally undergoing HRT in 2018. It was a huge financial burden and (access) stress, but by the grace of God herself — I managed to begin everything on Jan 31st 2019. But this is not, and was not, the case for all those like me.

One of the adversaries I address with this piece is the Hormone shortage, back in 2019, where there was an extreme shortage of Depo Testosterone. This hormone is one of the most common used testosterone for trans men undergoing HRT worldwide. Trans folk were de-prioritised in favor of cis-gender men who use the same hormone to battle ailments like impotence, hair loss, low testosterone levels or delayed puberty; ailments viewed as more urgent than gender affirmation. This created difficulty in gaining access to the little stock there was available in South Africa. 

The rationale behind the shortage was that the company that develops Depo Testosterone produce batches on a yearly basis according to demand. In this instance, they  did not anticipate the influx of trans men ‘coming out’ and undergoing HRT in 2019. During that year, I watched countless trans men struggle to maintain their HRT and keep up with the biweekly/weekly injections. My doctor struggled to maintain supply for trans men patients in her practice and group chats would organise “Shared Shot Dates” among trans men so they could keep up with their doses. 

Gender affirmation is viewed as a luxury, rather than a matter of life and death. This often leaves countless trans folks in difficult positions when it comes to gaining access, funds, and maintaining hormone replacement therapies once they have begun.